


Ocean Eyes

by callumschmalum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Seaside, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumschmalum/pseuds/callumschmalum
Summary: “I love you.”He looks up, tears still threatening to fall from his eyes, “Say it again.”Ben frowns slightly, “What?”“If you really mean it,” he pauses, “then say it again.”-Callum and Ben never really knew where things went so wrong with their friendship, or more acquaintance, but tragedy and heartbreak can change things for everyone.Seaside college au
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> so, this is a bit of a seaside au where ben and callum live in a town called calberry and its a little bit enemies to lovers kinda thing! 
> 
> just for reference, in this au they are at college, ben is in first year and is 16 and callum is in second year and is 17, and some other characters have been made this age just because yanno its my fic
> 
> i hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think :)
> 
> @callumschmalum on twitter

He doesn’t remember a time when it wasn’t just the two of them. Callum and his mum. Even before Stuart went to prison, he was never really there, he was always out causing trouble, and his dad, well, he was never even there in the first place. It was always just the two of them.  
Ben however, he can remember a time when it wasn’t just the two of them. Ben and his mum. It wasn’t exactly happy families, but it was normal, and it was how Ben liked it, even if his mum and dad did argue all the time, even if Ian was really annoying, they were still family and there were good times. Not to say that Callum didn’t have good times, he did, but he doesn’t remember just being a kid. He had to grow up quickly, with his dad and brother gone, and his mum so ill. She relied on him, like he should have relied on her, but he didn’t mind, he never has, and he never will. 

“She's lucky to have you, working at the caff,” his mum says, sipping on her tea, “you make a bloody good cuppa.”

Callum chuckles, resting his head lightly on her shoulder, afraid to hurt her. She’s smaller than she was when he was younger, her immune system even weaker than she was back then. She looks frail, and pale, a shadow of the woman that he’s seen in pictures and the woman from the stories. His mum loves to tell stories of when she was younger, of ‘the glory days’, and Callum loves to hear them. He loves the way that she tells them with such passion and love, and how she speaks of his dad with such high regard, even after everything that he did to her. He loves the way that her eyes light up, like she’s living every moment again for the very first time and he loves the way that it brings life back into her and how it makes her eyes sparkle.

“Tell me the story of how you met him again”, he asks, because he knows that it’s her favourite one to tell.

She looks up at the clock sat on the mantelpiece, and then back at the cup of tea in her hands, “shouldn’t you be leaving to go to college? You know this ones a long story.”

Callum sits up, grinning at her, “Well you’d better tell it quickly then!”

And so she does.

“It was a Wednesday,” she pauses, smiling to herself, “I used to cycle to school on my little pink bike with my friend Marie, she lived on the caravan site, so I’d cycle there and meet her every morning, and on this particular Wednesday, there was a new family moving onto the site, right opposite her, they were moving into plot 53. They looked like bikers, the whole family, the mum, the dad and the two boys, and I remember looking at Marie and thinking ‘wow you’re so lucky! That's your neighbour!’ and she marched right up to the older boy and said ‘Marie Smith’ and he just ignored her!” She continues, laughing at the memory, “And the younger boy turned and said ‘who’s your friend?’ He was talking about me! I stood there so shocked that he’d even noticed me!”

Callum smiled, looking at how her eyes were shining, “Of course he’d notice you mum, you’re gorgeous!”

His mum beamed back, “You’re a charmer you, god knows how you haven’t got yourself a boyfriend yet! Or have you and you’re just hiding it from your old mum!”

Callum frowns slightly, “You know you’d be the first to know if there was a boy, would have to meet you before they even stand a chance!”

His mum smiles at him, reaching down to squeeze his hand lightly, “You’d better get yourself to college.”

“But you haven’t finished the story yet!” Callum protested. 

His mum lets go of his hand and sticks out her little finger, “I’ll finish it when you get home, I promise.”

Callum links his little finger with hers, “Pinky promise.”

It has been their thing, ever since he was little, a promise that could never be broken. 

He stands up, leaning forward to kiss his mum on the cheek. “I have a full day today, so I probably won’t be home until five ish. I’ve made you a sandwich, I’ve left it in the fridge for lunch, your meds are on the side, make sure you take them!”

His mother pouts, “I will, don't worry.”

“You know I do.”

She waves her hand at him, shooing him, signalling him to leave, “Go darling, have a good day, I love you!”

“I love you too”, he replies as he picks up his rucksack, slinging it over his shoulder as he heads out the door, locking it behind him. 

The spring breeze hits him as soon as he steps onto the balcony of their little caravan, taking in the sounds that make him feel at home- the sound of the sea crashing into the bay in the distance and the squawk of the seagulls. He unchains his bike from the railings of the balcony and carries it down the four steps onto the path. He’d always liked living in a caravan, even though some people might call it unconventional. He guesses it could be, but he can’t imagine it any other way. He knows his mum likes it too, because it reminds her of the old days, of the brief time when the whole family was there, when it was more lively, when she could go out more, when she lived more- so maybe that's why they’d stayed there all of those years, at plot 53, Calberry Bay. 

-

“Ben, come on, we’re going to be late!” Jay calls from the bottom of the stairs. 

Ben lives along the seafront, just up the hill, above his mum's caff. It's big, his flat, too big for just the two of them, Ben and his mum. It used to be the four of them- his mum, his dad, him and his brother Ian, and the flat was the perfect size for them. He doesn’t mind that it’s just them, he knows his mum’s happier now, but he does mind how quiet it is. It used to be loud, and lively, and there was never a dull moment, even if it was arguments that filled the room most of the time, but now it's quiet and lonely. His mum works more, now that it's just them, doing all hours at the caff trying to keep the business afloat, with it being understaffed a lot of the time. Ben knows that she works more than she needs to though, he knows she does it just to get out of the house, to escape the memories, the thoughts of past arguments. 

“Coming Jay, calm your tits mate!” Ben shouts back, galloping down the stairs.

Jay and Ben have known each other for as long as they can remember. They grew up together, almost like brothers, a package deal.

Jay stands slumped against the wall on his phone, next to the door leading through to the caff, barely acknowledging Ben.

“Come on Jay, we’re going to be late!” Ben mimics, sticking his tongue out at his brother, as he pushes past him through to the caff. 

The caff is somewhat calming to Ben, the smell of the coffee grounds and the clanging on cutlery against plates a familiarity to him. There's a small queue of people at the counter, waiting to get their caffeine fix. His mum looks up from where she's making a coffee at the back off the serving area. 

“Morning darling” 

“Morning mum”, Ben chimes, making his way behind the counter, giving his mum a kiss on the cheek, stealing one of the slices of toast that had just popped up from the toaster.

“Oi!” She says, slapping his arm as he shovels the toast into his mouth, laughing.  
Ben moves back out from behind the counter, making his way over to the door where Jay is waiting for him.

“Bye mum, have a good day!” He calls as he heads out of the door, mounting his bike. “Oi get off that phone, loverboy!”

Jay scoffs, shoving his phone into his bag, getting on his own bike, “you sound like Billy!”

“Texting Lo sweet nothings again are we?” Ben jokes, as they begin to set off along the hill, looking out to the seafront. 

“Obviously! Totally in love with me mate, who wouldn’t be!” Jay says laughing, “I mean it's either that or you, and you’re here so I don’t think I’m messaging you!”

Ben chuckles, glancing at Jay, “You ought to get some more company then!”

“You can talk!” Jay says, pedaling faster to get away from Ben, starting the race between the two boys, competing who can get to college faster. 

The cycle to West Calberry college isn't a very long one from Bens, only about ten minutes. He’s always enjoyed the journey to college, he likes the scenery around Calberry. It isn’t a very big town, it hasn’t got a lot, with the standout features being the pub, the caff and a couple of shops- it's mainly just hills and sand, and stones if you start to head towards East Calberry. He’s not sure why he loves it so much, it’s not exactly the glamour of somewhere like London or exciting like Brighton, but it's home. He’s always loved living right along the seafront, the beach is his favourite place, right by his favourite spot- down the hill, just to the left, by the signpost, on the ledge. It's where he feels calm and most at ease, somewhere he can just let go and forget about everything that's going on in his life.  
If you head just outside of central Calberry, it’s a bit busier. It's where the bigger shops are, the schools, the colleges, the restaurants. That’s where Ian lives now, West Calberry. He runs a restaurant with his new wife, Jane, and in a way, Ben guesses he's jealous of Ian, and god, he never thought he’d say that, but he’s jealous of the fact that Ians made something of himself, and Bens not sure that he will ever do the same. He knows it's his own fault, he’s not top of the class at college, but he can’t exactly say that he’s trying, and he knows he will do better next year, when it's his actual A levels and not just mocks, at least that's what he’s telling himself anyway. 

As they reach the bike sheds, Ben sees a bright blonde standing by the railings waving at them. Lola. Lola is Jay's girlfriend, they’ve been together for nearly two years now. She's the year above Jay and Ben, so she’ll leave college in June, after her exams. She’s going to be a hairdresser, which Ben's happy about, because he's hoping for cheap haircuts, but it does mean that their friendship group gets slimmed down to just two. Stood with Lola is a tall boy, who Ben has known for many years, although, he's not exactly sure that he’d call him a friend. He’s a boy who's a bit more of a mutual friend, maybe more mutual dislike. Callum Highway.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> so this is a little bit of a filler chapter to bridge to the next chapter which you will hopefully find a little bit more exciting, but i hope you enjoy anyway!

Callum Highway is the kind of boy who you just dislike. He’s someone who thinks that they're above everyone else, living the perfect life. At least that’s what Ben thinks anyway, except, he knows that some of those things aren’t true, he knows his life isn’t perfect, his dads not there, his brothers in prison, but at least he's got his mum, and if you’ve got someone who loves you and gives you all their attention, then that’s pretty close to perfect, right? But that's not the proper reason that Ben dislikes the boy so much, he’s not sure of the proper reason, so maybe it’s easier for him to make one up and assume that’s why, than delve into the truth. 

Once they have locked away their bikes, they go over to join Lola. 

“Hi!” Lola squeals, wrapping her arms around Jay, causing him to stumble back slightly. 

Callum nods his head in greeting, “Alright?”

Jay starts to make conversation with Lola, but Ben stays silent, observing the boy in front of him. He’s tall, much taller than Ben, and he's skinny, very skinny, but not quite lanky. His clothes never seem to fit him right, he notices. Today, he's wearing a plain white t-shirt, which is clearly too big for him, by the way that it hangs on him, too baggy, but in a way it kind of suits him, Ben thinks. His black skinny jeans seem to fit him, but from the way that they are rolled up at the bottom, Ben assumes that they must be too long. 

Callum shuffles awkwardly, which makes Ben think that he knows he’s been staring at him. Shit. 

“Right, I’d better go Lo, I’ll see you later, yeah?” Callum says, clearly wanting to get away.

Lola grins at him, she's always smiling, something which Ben doesn’t get, what is there to smile about? “Yeah, alright, I’ll see you later hun!”

“Too good for us, are you hun”, Ben says, before the older boy walks away, emphasising the last word. He’s not sure why he said it, he just felt the need to. “Don’t want to be seen with the college strays now do you?”

Callum avoids eye contact with Ben, looking awkwardly at the gravel beneath his feet. 

Lola nudges Ben hard with her elbow, “Leave him alone will ya?” 

Ben chuckles to himself, staring, as Callum hurries away towards the main building, he doesn’t look back. 

-

By lunch, Callums day has been otherwise uneventful. He’s had two lessons- food tech and history. He sits around the table in the canteen with his group of friends. He looks a bit out of place amongst them, he knows that. He's never really had many friends- people have always avoided him because of what they think about Stuart and his family, but he's got a few here at college, which makes his life a bit easier. First, there's Stacey and Martin, they’re a bit like the college power couple. They’re the populars, the ones everyone wants to be like. Then there’s Ruby. She's rich, like proper rich, and Callums always wondered why she doesn’t go to a private college or something, if they’re even a thing. Then there’s Lee. He’s Callums way into the group. Callum and Lee grew up together, his dad, Mick, was a bit like the dad he never had. They did everything together, they were in the same classes at school, Callums mum would take them to the beach together, Mick would sneak them crisps behind his wife Linda’s back at the pub he owned. He supposes the few memories that he has of being a kid and having fun come from the times he spent with Lee, but he’s off to the army soon, once he gets his fitness up, so in the end, he’ll just become another person who left him.  
Finally, there's Whitney, Lee's girlfriend, his other best friend, which also makes him the third wheel. 

“Awh come on Rubes, it will be fun! Exams start soon, so its gonna be the last time we get to do anything properly in ages!” Stacey protests. 

“I don’t know,” Ruby says, biting on the end of her pale pink fake nail, “Be a bit cold, won't it? It’s only March, I know it’s warm now but when it gets to the evening it will be bloody freezing!”

Martin scoffs, “Pathetic! Bit of booze, some food, warm you right up! Bring a coat if you’re that worried! Or are you just a bit too upper class to get pissed on a beach?”

Ruby’s mouth drops open, before it turns into a laugh, as she lobs her empty bottle at Martin's head, “The cheek of it honestly! Alright, fine I’ll come, but you can buy my booze Martin.”

“Deal.”

Callum feels a small poke in his side. 

“You going?” Whitney asks in a lowered voice. 

He hadn’t been paying full attention to the conversation, “Hmm?”

“The beach, this Friday?”

Callum sighs, “Haven’t really thought about it to be honest.”

Whitney rubs his arm lightly, “How’s your mum?”

She always seems to know what Callum was thinking.

“Alright,” Callum smiles slightly, “She’s getting weaker, I’m worried that another small knock could set her so far back she won't bounce back again.”

“She’ll be alright, she’s a fighter,” She says, squeezing his arm, “I’ll have to come round one evening, we can have a game night like we used to, me, you, your mum and Lee”

“She’d love that.” He says, because she would. She had always loved seeing Callum with his friends, because they made him smile, a comfort to her in some of the hardest days, a feeling which she could not match with any other action. 

“Think about it though, won’t you? The beach. Be good for you to get out and have some you time.” Whit pushes, which gains a nod from Callum. 

-

It’s just starting to get dark by the time that Callum gets back to the caravan park. He likes this time of year, just before his birthday, when it's quiet on the site, before the tourists start to arrive, before it gets busy. This is Callums idea of perfect. The caravan park isn’t the biggest, it has a couple of full time residents, but it's mainly empty caravans, with owners that show on weekends, or rent to tourists in the summer months, when it gets filled with screaming kids and stressed parents. But March is perfect. It’s not too cold, it's not too busy, and it is birthday month, so what more could he wish for? A lot actually, he’s always hated his birthday.  
He continues to cycle down the path towards his van, the glow of the lights from other caravans lighting his path.  
“Evening Callum!” Someone calls from their balcony.  
“Hi Marie!” He calls back to his neighbour.

Callum dismounts his bike, smiling at the lady standing on her balcony, waving enthusiastically at him, the lady from the stories, his mother's best friend. 

He continues down the path onto his balcony, where he chains his bike up for the night. He peeks through the window while he does, to see his mum sat in her armchair chuckling to whatever she is watching on the TV.  
Once he’s secured his bike, he goes inside the caravan, placing his rucksack down on the kitchen table, before making his way over to the sofa to see his mum.  
She looks up from the TV, reaching out her hand for Callum to take, which he does, squeezing it lightly, before letting go and sitting down. 

“How was college?” 

Callum smiles, “Not too bad, long day. Whitney said about her and Lee coming round for a board game night soon with us, if you wanted?”

“That would be lovely.” She says, shuffling up in her chair slightly. 

“What do you fancy for dinner?” Callum asks, standing up and making his way towards their little kitchen, looking in the fridge. 

His mother bites her lip, thinking. “Is there a lasagne in there at all?”

“Er,” He replies, looking through the fridge, noticing the sandwich he made for her this morning sitting untouched on the shelf, in front of the lasagne. “Yeah, there is, do you want garlic bread?”

“Yes please!”

He brings his attention back to the fridge, picking up the sandwich and chucking it into the bin, knowing she won’t eat it tomorrow. He looks over to his mother, knowing that if she hasn’t eaten that, she wouldn’t have eaten anything today. He takes the lasagne and garlic bread out of the fridge, placing it on the side to try to get the trays to cook it on, when he notices his mum's tablets sat on the side, also untouched. 

“Mum, you haven’t taken your tablets.”

His mum looks up, her face dropping. Callum feels bad telling her off, but he knows how important it is that she takes them. 

“Oh, I must have forgotten.” She says quietly, “I’ll take them with dinner.”

Callum nods, “Make sure you remember tomorrow, you know you’re meant to take them twice a day.”

“Okay.”

Once they’ve eaten their dinner and Callum’s cleaned up, they sit huddled together on the sofa, watching reruns of Friends on the TV. 

“I never finished my story, did I?” His mum says, remembering her promise from this morning. 

Callum shakes his head, urging her to continue from where she left off. 

“Where was I? Oh, he had asked for my name, and so obviously, I gave it to him. Cynthia Potts. And so the next day, when I go to the caravan park on my way to school, he’s there outside again and he asked me on a date, and I honestly thought it was the best day of my life!” She chuckles. 

Callum tunes out of the story. He knows how it goes, he’s heard it a dozen times. They went on a date to the beach, it was the middle of the summer, when the funfair is on the seafront for the tourists, and he was a gent and paid for all of her rides, and won her a prize on the hook-a-duck, before they went on the ferris wheel as their last ride and he kissed her at the top. He knows the story as if he was there, but that’s not why he asks her to tell it. He asks her to tell it because he knows she likes to tell it. He likes to hear it because it makes her smile, and when she smiles, Callum smiles.

“It's your birthday soon”, Callums mum says, as he perches on the edge of her bed, ready to kiss her goodnight, “Got anything nice planned with your friends?”

Callum shakes his head. “Spending it with you, aren’t I?”

“You know you don’t have to, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Callum says, brushing the greying strands of hair out of the way of her face, “But I want to.”

She smiles, “You should do something with them.”

“Well, I think there was talk of a beach get together on Friday, but I don’t think I’ll go.”

“Why not?” She asks.

Callum shrugs. “I don’t know if I fancy it.”

“You should go! You’ll have fun, Callum, go on!” She says.

“I’ll think about it.” He kisses her forehead, standing up and heading towards the door, “Goodnight mum, I love you.”

“Goodnight darling, I love you too.”

-

“Happy birthday!” 

He opens his eyes, before closing them again and rolling over, pulling the pillow over his head. He feels someone pulling at his arm, trying to get him to roll back over. 

“It's your birthday darling, you can’t stay in bed all day.”

“Watch me.” Ben groans, trying to shrug off his mums arm. 

His birthday has never been his favourite time of year, and this year is no exception. Seventeen. The big one seven, and unsurprisingly, Ben feels no different to how he did when he went to sleep sixteen. 

“Up. Now.” 

His mothers stern tone leaves him no choice but to get up. It’s not that he doesn’t want to celebrate, he does enjoy the attention, but he knows he will be disappointed, because it will be just like christmas- his dad won’t have made an effort, he might get a card if he’s lucky, no phone call or text, Ian might pop by, if he’s not too busy at the restaurant, but most likely, it will just be him and his mum. Just like every other day. 

He rolls over, grabbing his phone off of his bedside table, squinting his eyes, the light bleeding out from his phone hurting his eyes. Two messages- Jay and Lola. 

Jay: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!!! Will pop round in a bit with your present! Love ya, even if you are an old man now! Xxxxxxxx

Lola: Happy Birthday Ben! Hope you have a lovely day, see you at the beach later- get ready to celebrate! Xox

He’d forgotten he had agreed to go to the beach tonight. Lola invited him the other day, knowing that Ben going was the only way Jay would. Lola had been invited by Callum and Whitney, who said she could bring Jay, probably unaware that Ben was part of the package deal, otherwise he doubts that the offer would have been available. 

He texts a quick thanks to their messages, before putting his phone back on the side and getting up at his mums request.  
He trudges out of his bedroom and into the kitchen where his mum is waiting. She's decorated the kitchen with silver banners and balloons, and filled the table with all of Ben's favourite foods, too much for just them two, and a birthday cake sat in the middle. His eyes wonder over to the pile of presents sat on the kitchen counter, as he moves closer to his mother wrapping his arms around her, knowing how early she must have gotten up, and how hard she would have worked to get this all ready for him, to try and make it the perfect day. 

“Thank you mum, it’s lovely.” 

She kisses his cheek, “Only the best for my little boy, even if you aren’t so little anymore!”

He unwraps his arms from around her, going to sit down at the table, picking up the small pile of cards. He opens them, all of them from distant family who he’s never really spoken to, one from Ian and Jane and the final one from his dad. It's nothing special, a plain ‘happy birthday son’ slapped across the front, the inside message just as plain, as expected. 

“Right, present time!” His mum says, bringing over his presents, “I’m sorry, it's not much, but hopefully you’ll like them.”

“I don’t care, I’m sure they’re amazing.” He reassures her. They had been a bit tight on money since his dad left, and he knows that his mum would have spent all her spare money on him to make him happy. 

He unwraps the presents- a pair of trainers, some clothes, some money and a couple of games for his xbox. 

“Thank you mum, I love them.” He smiles, giving her another hug. 

“You’re very welcome darling.” She says, taking a bite out of one of the cupcakes she had placed on the table, a special birthday breakfast. “Are you still going to the beach tonight?”

Ben nods, picking up his own cupcake and taking a bite. 

“Jay and Lola coming here on the way?”

“Yeah, I think so. Jay said he was gonna pop by in a bit to give me his present as well, so I’ll ask him then.” 

His mum smiles, chuckling slightly. “Brilliant, they can help us eat all of this food!”

By five o’clock, when Lola gets to Bens, his day has gone by pretty quickly. Jay came over just before lunch and ended up spending the day with Ben, playing on the new games, and of course, eating all of the food. As birthdays go, it has been okay by Ben's books. 

“Right then birthday boy, we ready to go?” Lola beams. 

Ben chuckles, “Calm down Lo, you make it sound like its a celebration for my birthday!”

Lola tilts her head slightly. “It could be, I guess.”

“I doubt any of them even know it’s my birthday! I’m only there because you invited me!”

Jay rolls his eyes, “You really need to be less pessimistic Ben, its no wonder you aint got many friends- you’re not exactly the cheeriest!”

“Ha ha, very funny mate” Ben says, pulling on his jacket. “Let’s go then.”

When they get to the beach, everyone else is already there in the middle of a very small game of rounders. 

“Ah finally!” Stacey shouts when she sees them coming from a distance, “We can have proper teams now!”

Lola laughs, “Sorry, sorry, someone was taking too long getting ready!”

Ben puts his hands up mockingly, “I am very sorry, but it is my birthday.”

The choruses of obligatory birthday wishes begin, but he notices one person stays silent. Callum. They meet eyes from where Ben is standing to where Callum is sitting down on the sand next to Whitney, a bottle of cider in his hand. He’s not sure if he’s expecting him to say happy birthday, across everyone else, make it really obvious, or whether he’s expecting him to stay silent. After a few seconds more, he knows that the happy birthday isn’t coming. How petty, he thinks. Callum breaks eye contact first, and so Ben turns around, trying to pretend, deep down, he doesn’t want Callum to make eye contact again, for him to say happy birthday. He’s not sure what it is that makes him want it so bad- he doesn’t even like the boy, but there’s something buried deep inside of him that makes him intrigued by the boy, and he doesn’t like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again, like i said this chapter isn't very exciting but hopefully you somewhat enjoyed- next chapter will have more about why they dislike each other a bit more!


	3. Chapter Three

_ Ten years ago- 2010 _

Ben had just turned seven, so they were going to the beach to celebrate. It was very warm, for a day in March, the sun was shining, the breeze was low, it was what some might have called perfect weather. There weren't many people there- Jay, Ian, his mum, Martin, Lee, Nancy and Callum. He hadn’t wanted to invite Callum, but his mum told him he had to. His mum had been friends with Callum's mum- she worked at his mum's caff before she quit. He didn’t understand why she was still friends with Cynthia- she had quit out of the blue one day, leaving his mum understaffed, and so Ben thought that was an action that would require the friendship ending. Apparently not. So that meant Ben had to invite him, because their mums were friends, and because his mum said it wouldn’t be fair to invite Lee, his best friend without him. Ben had hoped he wouldn’t come, he never came to anything- he always seemed to be at home cooped up in the caravan with his quitter of a mother, but he did come.

Callum was a quiet boy, he never really said much. Ben always found him a bit weird, he knew his brother was in prison, but he didn’t know what for- people at school said he killed someone, which Ben hoped wasn’t true, he didn’t want the brother of a killer at his party, that would be very uncool. 

The party wasn’t that exciting, but Ben enjoyed it. They played football for a lot of it, kicking the football far and wide across the beach, which his mum didn’t mind because it was practically empty despite the good weather. Callum didn’t join in. He spent most of the day sat on the picnic blanket with Kathy, looking a little bit miserable. Ben had wondered why he even bothered coming if he was just going to sit there, ruining everybody’s fun. Ben thought it might have been because he didn’t want to be seen playing with kids who were younger than him, but Lee and Martin didn’t seem to mind, so why should he? Ben remembers being annoyed with him because he didn’t even bother buying him a present, just a card which he had probably felt obliged to bring. Ben had brought him a present for his birthday in a couple of days, granted his mum did make him, but that's not the point, at least he made an effort. Callum had left the party early as well, Ian had to walk him home, and he hadn’t even bothered saying goodbye, which left Ben a little bit hurt, but more, it had left him with an anger inside of him to last a few years. 

_ Present day _

He thinks back to that day on the beach, his seventh birthday, when he looks at Callum sitting down on the sand. He’s not joining in on the game of rounders, and he’s still quiet. Ten years apparently doesn’t change that much, Ben thinks. 

His eye always seems to be drawn to Callum, and he can’t quite pinpoint why. He guesses he feels a bit sorry for him, deep down. He knows all of the stuff that he went through when he was younger because of his brother, and the rumours that were spread around school. He knows what people think of Callum- that he’s a bit weird, probably just like his brother, he just hasn’t shown it yet and he can see that that’s what Callum is afraid of, because he has the same fear himself- that he’ll turn out just like his dad. 

  
  


After a couple of hours of playing rounders on and off, the rest of the group joins Callum and Whitney in sitting down. Martins put the music on a speaker and the booze is flowing by this point. Bens had a few ciders, but he notices that Callum’s still nursing the same bottle of cider in his hand that he had at the start of the night. 

As the night progresses, the group seems to create its own smaller groups, with Stacey, Martin and Ruby forming one group, Whitney and Lee to Callums left, and Jay and Lola to Ben’s right, leaving the two boys sat in the middle, much to both of their disgust. 

Ben motions to the cider sat in Callums hand, “You can drink that you know, it’s not going to kill you.”

Callum nods, clearly not wanting to engage in conversation. 

“Chatty aren’t you?” 

Callum rolls his eyes, “Not with you.”

“Charming.” Ben says as he raises his bottle to his lips, drinking the remaining alcohol in his bottle, shaking it afterwards to signal that it’s gone. “See, not dead yet am I?”

“Unfortunately not.” 

Ben slaps his hand to his chest, as if he had been stabbed in the heart. “Ouch, that hurt.” 

Callum stays silent, wishing the conversation could be over, wishing he hadn’t even come in the first place. His mum had forced him to go, wanting him to go out and have a bit of fun before his birthday. She had organised for Marie to come round and spend the evening with her, which made him feel slightly better, knowing that she wouldn’t be sitting at home alone.

He checks his phone. 10:42, much later than he had imagined staying. No messages from his mum. No signal. He bites his nail slightly, before putting his phone back in his pocket. 

Callum takes another sip of his cider. “Didn’t even realise that you were coming, didn’t know you were invited”

“Lola invited me. Besides, it’s a free country, you don’t own the beach, anyone can show up.” Ben says, trying to wind Callum up.

“Right.”

Ben looks around him, noticing how dark it had gotten since they got there, feeling the breeze more now too. He had always enjoyed the beach at night, there was something so calming about it, something which drew him there. He would come here whenever he needed to escape or just be alone with his thoughts, no interruptions. It feels different though, with all of the people around him, not as peaceful, a bit loud, but maybe that's just the alcohol. 

He brings his attention back to Callum, who’s just finishing his drink, placing the empty bottle in the sand in front of him.

“Done, are you happy now?” He says sarcastically, looking frustrated with Ben. 

Ben looks over his face, and he’s reminded of the boy at his party. How miserable he looked back then, and he can see it deep inside of him now. 

“What's your problem?” Ben snaps, feeling frustrated by the boy in front of him, how he looks when he’s around Ben.

“What?”

“With me.” Ben prods, “Because you clearly have one, you’re not very good at hiding it.”

Callum scoffs, “Everythings got to be about you, hasn’t it Ben? Have you ever thought that not everyone has an issue with you, and not every action that I do is about you?”

“So that’s your issue, then, everythings got to be about me?”

Callum furrows his eyebrows, “That’s not what I said. I said that just because I act a certain why doesn’t mean I’ve got an issue with you.”

Ben reaches forward to grab a can of cider out of his bag. “But ultimately that is your issue then, that I think everything’s got to be about me.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Callum rolls his eyes, feeling more and more aggravated by the boy in front of him. “Why does it bother you so much, if I have an issue with you?”

“It doesn’t.” 

“Then why did you ask?” 

“Curiosity.” Ben says, taking a sip of his drink. 

-

It’s not long before everyone starts to leave, given how late it was getting. Stacey, Martin and Ruby leave first, followed by Whitney and Lee, leaving Callum with Ben, Jay and Lola. he’s not sure why he chose to stay, he could have easily left with Whitney and Lee, but that would mean he would have to walk home by himself, because they were going back to Whitney’s, which is nearer West Calberry than the caravan park, at least if he stayed, he’d have people to walk part of the way with. He’d never like being alone, or walking alone, there was something about it that scared him. 

“Right, let's make a move then shall we?” Lola says, starting to pick up their belongings and rubbish off of the floor. 

Callum helps her, collecting any litter off of the sand that their group had left behind, shoving it into one of the empty carrier bags. Jay and Ben refused to help, throwing around one of the rounders balls Ben had kept a hold of. It annoyed Callum, how Ben had refused to help, saying that it was his birthday. Maybe Ben was right, maybe that was his problem with him- he did think that everything had to be about him and that he did have to be the center of attention all the time. He doesn’t understand why Ben asked, he’d always had a way to him that made Callum think that he didn’t care what other people thought of him, just going from person to person, making snarky comments, trying to make their life difficult. That’s one thing that annoyed Callum, he never fully knew where those comments came from, he can’t pinpoint the moment that they started. He knows that it was when they were young, after his mum left the caff. There was a time that they somewhat got along, they used to play together in the caff whilst their mums were working, colouring or playing with one of Ben’s toys. But that was when they were young, before his mum got too ill to work, and he’s not really sure he could have called them friends back then, more kids who got thrown together with little choice about the matter- but neither of them seemed to complain. He knows things changed when his mum quit the caff, he didn’t go out much, he was worried that something would happen if he left his mums side for too long. It was around that time that Stuart got sent to prison, and the rumours started at school. 

He snaps out of his thoughts as Lola starts to speak. “Are you coming back to mine Jay?”

“Yeah, if that's alright.” Jay replies. 

Brilliant, Callum thought. He had banked on Lola going back to Jays, meaning they would have walked together until just before the caravan park, but Lola’s was in the complete opposite direction, leaving him with no choice but to walk with Ben. 

Ben looks from Jay to Lola, an equally annoyed look on his face when he realises. 

“Cheers Jay.” Callum hears Ben mutter under his breath to Jay. 

-

They walk in silence for a little bit, trying to avoid each other's eye, once Jay and Lola have left them, along the beach from where they were sat, quite a distance from the main part of Calberry beach, as Callum thinks about their earlier conversation. 

“I don’t get it.” Callum pauses, “You think that I have an issue with you, but I’m not the one who walks around trying to make everyone's life a living hell, throwing petty little comments at people who don’t quite fit their expectations left right and center. So, maybe I should be asking you what your issue is? ”

Ben looks at him, slightly stunned he has the balls to say anything, hands stuffed in his pockets, and shrugs. 

“Well go on, get it over with, say it, where’s the billy big mouth Ben we all know and love?”

“You think you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?” He says as he stops walking, the beams from the streetlight illuminating his face, “You think you’re perfect, too good for people.”

Callum lets out a noise, almost a laugh. “Perfect? Really, of all things, perfect? You clearly don't know me as well as you think you do in that tiny mind of yours”

“Well you’re not.”

“Oh believe me, I know.” Callum continues walking.

“What, you're just going to walk away?”

Callum turns around, looking at the boy under the light, taking a few steps closer to him. “What else is there to say?”

“I don’t know.” He says, “Whatever you want. Tell me who you really are, prove me wrong”

Callum looks at him, he looks different. He doesn’t have the strong facade that he has when everyone else is around.His voice seems softer, like he’s a different person. He looks smaller somehow, with his hands tucked in his pockets, slightly hunched over, and for a second, he forgets any feelings he has towards him, any hatred or dislike, but then he remembers who the boy in front of him is, the things he’s said, what he’s done. 

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” He says, once again turning on his heels. 

“I’m not the person that you think I am.” Ben calls after him. 

“And who’s that?” He says, his back still turned.

It's silent for a moment before Ben speaks. “A boy who’s arrogant and cocky, and out to get everyone.”

Callum nods, even though Ben probably can’t see it. “And I’d be right.”

“But I’m not.”

“Why do you care what I think?” Callum asks, “You treated me like shit, for years, Ben, why the sudden change of heart, what you realised you’ve not really got anyone else?”

Ben sighs, “Because I think you get it. I think you know what people think about you, because of your brother, and I don’t think you’re what people think you are either.”

“What, perfect?” He says, turning round to meet Ben's eye.

“I don’t think you’re like your brother.” Ben continues, taking a few steps closer to Callum, closing the gap between them. 

Callum feels the vibrating of his phone in his pocket, but he ignores it, knowing it must be that his phone has gotten signal again and any missed notifications would be coming through, choosing to focus on Ben, staying silent. 

“I see you.” Ben says, his voice nearly a whisper. “And I think you see me too.”

Callum breaks their eye contact, looking at his feet, his phone still buzzing in his pocket. “You can’t do this, Ben. One minute you’re hating me, making snide comments and the next minute you’re like this and you’re saying all these things, messing with my head, I don’t get it.” 

Ben reaches out, placing his hand on Callums cheek. It feels warm against Callums cold cheeks, welcoming. His hand is soft, as Ben rubs his thumb over his cheekbone. He isn’t sure how they got to this point, when barely ten minutes ago they were walking in silence, trying to avoid eye contact. He knows he should walk away, turn around and not look back, but he can't. There's something captivating about the warmth of Ben's hand on his cheek, the feeling of being wanted, that makes it impossible for him to walk away. He looks up from where his eyes are pointed at the ground. 

“Why’re you so bothered about me?” Callum whispers. 

“Why’d you think?”

Callum brings his own hand up to reach Ben’s cheek, as he feels Ben take a small step closer, reaching up and connecting their lips. Callum feels his eyes flutter shut, as he lets the feeling of Ben’s mouth on his take over him. He places his free hand on Ben's hip, pulling him slightly closer, as Ben deepens the kiss, forgetting everything that he previously felt about the boy slip away, replacing the old feelings with lust. Ben pulls away, looking into Callums eyes, admiring how the streetlamp lights them up, glowing in the darkness. They stay like that for a couple of moments, just looking into each others eyes, Callum's mind racing, wondering what he has just done. It was only a kiss, but it was a kiss with him, the boy he could barely stand being in the same room with ten minutes ago. He stays rooted in the same spot, looking at the blue eyes shimmering in front of him as he wonders what changed, before Callum realises his phone vibrating again in his pocket. He pulls back from Ben’s grasp slightly, reaching into his jeans pocket for his phone, knowing he wouldn’t have had this many notifications whilst he was out. He sees the time first, 11:13, before his eyes wonder down the screen. 

_ Marie Smith (8 missed calls) _

_ Marie Smith (1 new message): 10:42 _

_ Callum, somethings happened with your mum, heading to the hospital, call me back. Marie.  _

“Shit.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!   
> i hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
> more about their history and flashbacks will be revealed in coming chapters!  
> let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter Four

_ Ten years ago- 2010 _

His worst fear had happened. He had left his mum for barely three hours and the worst had happened. She had had a fall, and Callum wasn’t even there to help her. He had been worried the whole party, sat there, not wanting to get involved in the games, just in case something happened, which in the end turned out to be worth it. He had left the party without a goodbye, just wanting to get away, get back to his mother to protect her, like he should have been. 

When he got to the hospital, Ian had left him with Marie, who took him through to his mum. She was lying there in the hospital bed, a cut on her head where she had hit it, the bruise on her cheek and knees were yet to come through.  _ She was too young to be having a fall, _ Callum thought, _ falls are what old people have and she was not old _ . But every day after that, Callum thought she looked weaker and weaker, older and older and there was no one there support her apart from him. Callum vowed that from that day, he would always be there for her and that he would never let anything happen to her then. 

_ Present Day _

He had left the beach without saying a goodbye, and Callum can’t help but think about the day after Ben’s party all of them years ago, when he did the same. But it’s different this time, he’s older, and there’s no one to escort him there this time, so he has to go in alone. 

He sprints right from the beach, his heart racing, his vision foggy from the dark and the tears filling in his eyes. As he reaches the hospital, he slows, panting, unsure of what he could be going into. He hasn’t called Marie back, he didn’t want to slow himself down running, he had to get here as soon as possible. 

Callum walks quickly through the main entrance of the hospital, quickly spotting Marie in the waiting area. 

She leaps up from where she’s sat chewing her nails, wrapping her arms around him. Callum can see that she’s being crying, her cheeks damp and her usually slightly clumpy mascara smudged beneath her eyes from where she’d obviously tried to wipe her face. He wraps his own arms tightly around her. She’s always been a bit like family to him- she has always lived in the caravan next door and his mum has been friends with her since they were young. She’s always helped out, when they were a little bit short, bringing round food, buying Callum little toys and gifts that his mother could not afford to treat him to once she had to stop working. 

She pulls back from the hug, looking at Callums own face, red and blotchy from the running, and the cold and tears. 

“Marie, what’s happened?” He says, his voice shaky. 

She inhales, rubbing her hand lightly up Callums arm trying to calm him. “Callum, its fine-”

“Well it’s not fine, otherwise we wouldn’t be in hospital, would we?” He snaps, immediately feeling bad for raising his voice at her, “Sorry, Marie, I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” She looks up at him, chewing her lip, clearly afraid to break it to him. 

“Please Marie, I’m not a little boy anymore, what's happened?”

She takes a deep breath in, fiddling with the ends of her greying hair that hangs around her shoulders. “When I got there, around half seven, I knocked on the door and she didn’t answer, so I tried to open it, but you must have locked it when you left.” 

He did, he always did. He’s always scared that someone would try to come in if he left unlocked and his mum wouldn’t be able to defend herself. It was one of his ways of protecting her. 

“So,” Marie continues, “I ran back across to mine to grab the spare key because I knew she knew I was coming, so she wouldn’t have just not answered and I let myself in and she was lying on the floor in the kitchen, and-”

She closes her eyes, trying to stop her tears that had formed inside of her eyes from falling. Callum stays silent, and still, trying to control his breathing, feeling his nostrils flare slightly as he does. He can feel his heart racing, causing him to shake slightly. He rubs his palms together, and then against his jeans to get rid of the sweat that had formed on them, waiting for Marie to continue. 

“And, she had hit her head on the counter. The doctors think she fainted.”

Callum’s mind goes into overdrive, thinking of all of the possible reasons why she could have fainted. She had eaten before he left, had a drink, he made sure of that.

“What?” Callum says, because it’s all that he can muster up. 

“They think she hasn’t been taking her tablets, Callum.”

Callum shakes his head violently. “No, no, no, no, no, I know she was taking them. She missed one day that's it. I checked, everyday. She missed one day, that’s it, and she had them with dinner that day, I know she did. The packet was empty, everyday, she had two a day-”

“Callum-” Marie tries to cut him off but he continues rambling, starting to pace around the spot he’s standing in. 

“No, Marie, I know she took them, it must be something else. She wouldn’t lie to me. Of course she took them, I’m not that stupid, I know how important they are-”

“Callum, listen to me.” She says, gripping the tops of his arms to still him. “She admitted it to me. She hasn’t taken them in nearly two weeks, apart from the one you made her take with her dinner that time.”

“What?” Callum continues to shake his head, defending his mother. “No, Marie, that’s not true, I checked the packets, they were-” 

Marie looks at him sympathetically as he realises, cutting his sentence short. 

“She was putting them in the bin wasn’t she?” He says, the tears that had formed in his eyes beginning to roll down her face. “And I didn’t even realise. How did I not realise?”

Marie takes hold of his hand, squeezing it tight against hers. “Callum, this isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is,” he says, the tears coming heavier now, causing his breathing to become more ragged. “I was meant to protect her, look after her, but look, look what I’ve done.”

The tears begin to form again in Marie’s eyes, as she once again wraps her arms around Callum, trying to soothe him. “This is not your fault, I promise you.”

“I need to see her.”

Marie steps back. “You can’t, no one is allowed in yet. She has to have stitches and then rest whilst they examine her and her results.”

“But I’m her son, her family, I should be in there, making sure she’s okay.” He says, between the sobs. 

Marie reaches up, trying to dry his face with her fingers. “Come and sit down, the doctor will call us through when we’re allowed.” 

-

It’s another three hours that they’re sat in the waiting room before they hear anything. Marie dozed off not long after they sat down, with Callum promising to wake her as soon as they heard anything. Callum sits back in the chair, exhausted, but too scared to shut his eyes in case he falls asleep. He sits, phone in lap, picking at the skin around his nails, staring at the clock on the wall, willing time to go faster. 

In the last three hours, he had received three texts from Ben. 

_ Ben Mitchell (23:53): Kiss that bad?  _

_ (Read: 23:59) _

_ Ben Mitchell (00:17): Can we talk? _

_ (Read: 00:18) _

_ Ben Mitchell (00:47): You know I thought I had you wrong, but running away and now ignoring me, clearly you are just like I thought you were before, just a boy who thinks he’s too good and too perfect to be seen with the likes of me. Forget it ever happened yeah. _

_ (Read: 00:47) _

Maybe in a normal situation he would have replied, if he hadn’t been sitting in a hospital waiting room at midnight, or if he wasn’t so confused about what had happened on the beach. 

Callum keeps replaying it in his head, like it’s some moment from a movie or something from one of the stories that his mum would tell him, where everything just falls into place and everything is okay. But it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t some fairytale moment, or a love story, but Callum can’t pinpoint what he would describe it as. He isn’t really sure how he got to that point, he doesn’t even like him, so he doesn’t know why he kissed him, but then he remembers how it felt, Ben’s hand on his face, how warm it was against his icy cheeks, how it might feel to have someone look after you. 

He thinks about the things that Ben said to him, confused by what he even meant. He thinks about how vulnerable Ben looked, as if he was really letting his guard down. He doesn’t understand it, how someone can go from being so rude and arrogant, to someone who looks like they're about to crumble in the space of seconds. Maybe it was some kind of practical joke, Callum thinks, a way to make him look stupid, he wouldn’t put it past Ben. 

He want to text back some kind of sarcastic reply to Ben’s last text, tell him that he’s wrong, or tell him that his mum in hospital is more important, but he doesn’t. He shoots Kathy a quick text instead. 

_ TO: Kathy Beale (01:06): Hi kathy, I’m really sorry, I won’t be at work in morning, family emergency, I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you x  _

He puts his head in his hands. It doesn’t matter what Ben thinks, he doesn’t have time for a boyfriend, or a love interest. He needs to focus on his mum.

“Callum Highway?” A nurse says interrupting him from his thoughts. 

“Yeah?” He says, shooting up out of his seat. 

The nurse gives him a friendly smile. “I’m Lucie, I’m one of the nurses that will be looking after your mum whilst she’s here. She’s awake if you want to come through and see her. The doctor will come back in the morning to talk to you about the results.” 

Callum nods, reaching over to give Marie a gentle shake on the shoulder. “Thank you.”

Marie stirs, rising to her feet when she realises what's going on. They follow the nurse down the corridor, to just outside of her room, as they look through the window to her room. 

“She’s a bit drowsy from the drugs,” Lucie explains, “and she is probably in a fair bit of pain, but that will wear off soon once they start to kick in. She will need to rest soon, but go in and talk to her when you’re ready, I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Thank you.” Callum says again, as she walks away. 

He stays stood by the window looking through at her. She looks even more pale than the last time he saw her, stitches littering her face just above her eyebrow. She’s facing the other direction, looking out of the window into the darkness beyond the hospital, and Callums grateful she hasn’t seen him yet, he needs a moment to prepare himself, to stop him from breaking down in front of her. He takes a shaky breath in, looking over at Marie, who looks through the window at her best friend. 

“I just keep thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't gone in.” She whispers. 

Callum looks at her, a single tear falling down her cheek, as he steps closer, putting an arm around her. “But you did.”

“I can’t lose her.”

Callum closes his eyes, pulling her closer to him. “You’re not going to. I’m going to look after her, like I should have done tonight.”

“Callum,” She pauses, resting her head on him, “That’s not your job, you can’t feel guilty for not being there.”

“But if I had been there-” He protests. 

“It probably still would have happened.” 

He knows she’s right, it would have, but he can’t help but let the guilt consume him.

“Go on, I’ll wait out here for a bit.” She says, nudging him through the door. 

Callum pushes forward through the door, causing his mother to look over to his direction. He sees the tears in her eyes straight away, her lips pursed trying to stop them from falling. Callum stays frozen in the doorway for a second, his own lip quivering, his head spinning with so many emotions whizzing around in his head- sadness, confusion, guilt and anger, at himself for letting her get here. He walks forward towards her bed, perching on the edge of her bed, taking a hold of her hand. 

“I’m so sorry.” His mother whispers, her voice croaky, squeezing his hand lightly. 

Callum feels his own tears fall down his cheek, as he whispers back “It’s not your fault, mum, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

But he knows she isn't, and neither is he. He thinks he has let her down, he thinks that it is his fault. He wasn’t there all those years ago, and he wasn’t there today, he broke the promise he made to himself on that day- he wasn’t there for her when she needed him. And so he vows to himself once again, he will never let her down again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
> hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> let me know what you think x


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